What Hope Does A Flawed Mom Have?

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever thought these things?

I know there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think at least one of these type thoughts. Trust me, there are reasons behind it too.

Many days, my kids have way to much TV/iPad time and sometimes they eat junk food snacks before lunch. If I’m not doing it consistently during the day, the laundry and dishes pile up by the evening. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to effectively discipline my children. My husband and I argue over which form of discipline is best. By the time my head hits the pillow, I’ve raised my voice more than 10x even though I promised myself that morning that I wasn’t gonna lose it. And *if* dinner happens to be on the table by 6pm it’s nothing short of a miracle! … and the list goes on.

To top it all off, my oldest son’s dismissal from his first experience in a pre-school made me feel like I had failed him. As if I had pushed him into school before he was ready because I had 3 other little ones to care for, day in and day out. Apparently, my little boy, my sweet oldest one who’s been by my side since day 1, was not so sweet in a pre-school environment. The one who I thought I was teaching to be sweet, caring, and helpful, has been the “bully of the preschool” according to one of his former teachers.

What do I do with that?

Was it my fault?

The school sure seemed to think it was….

They insisted that it was his home life causing the problems he was showing in school. Pushing other students, knocking over other students block towers, not listening to the teachers, and on and on their complaints went.

So, there I was, the day his first pre-school experience officially came to an end. Ugly crying at my desk, which physically hurt by the way because I had be dealing with a non-stop sore throat and painful left ear for weeks by that point. I remember trying to button it up when I saw my son coming towards me from his comfy spot on the couch. He reached my desk and asked me, “Mama, am I going to go to school today?” Like he had done every single day for the 3 months he had been going. Only this time, I had to tell him “No baby. not today.” and then I had to tell him why. I explained the situation to him calmly and in the best way I knew how so that his beautiful 4 year old mind could best understand it.

If you’re having a hard time with your little one,

I’m here to tell you, I am right there with you. And, if your little one is an absolute angel with or without you around then you MUST tell me your secret!

Lately, I’ve been reading through the Psalms, and I want to share with you some verses that have been speaking loudly to my heart during these past few months as we have dived into homeschooling.

Homeschooling is hard-

But I know it is what my son needs. It is what I’ve had on my heart since day one, since I learned I was pregnant back in 2017. It’s what I know in my gut that I never should have tried veering away from. I absolutely love watching him learn. I love being the one to show him new things and watch that spark behind his eyes catch fire. I love when he teaches me new things, like the name of some sea creature I’ve never heard of! I, personally, want to be there every step of the way. I don’t want to ask him at the end of 8 or 9 hours apart, “what did you do all day?” I want to be there, learning right along side him.

That being said, Mama I say to you. It doesn’t matter if you homeschool or not. We all have our own journey and “Momming” is hard, regardless.

Here are some verses from Psalms that bring me hope, even in the most trying times!